Series 6 > McCulloch examinations of the Cambuslang revival (1742) > Volume 6

256
EXAMINATIONS OF PERSONS UNDER SPIRITUAL CONCERN II
or words to that purpose: I then saw that all my pretences to serve God were
just nothing, and that I had never serv’d God, or could not serve him, because
the love of God was not in me. Upon which I found a thirsting in my Soul after
the Love of God, & a restlessness of Spirit to get the Love of God put within
me, without which I saw I could never serve him: & how I might be found
in Christ having on his righteousness. After I went home this Restlessness of
Spirit continued with me, till I came back, which was about a month after, &
then I heard a Minister (26) on that Text, He that believeth not on the Son shall
not see life, but the wrath of God abideth on him. Joh. 3. last verse5 & there
I was made Sensible of my being an unbeliever, & that the wrath of God was
abiding upon me: & thereupon I fell into great distress of Soul, for want of
the Love of God and [576/-] that I had never serv’d God out of Love that I had
done nothing right but all was wrong, that I did nothing but sinn’d thro my
Life, that I wanted an Interest in Christ, that yet I had come so oft to the Lord’s
Table, and had there communicated unworthily, and ate & drank judgment
to my Self. And after I went home, tho’ I essayd to work, yet I could eat drink
or sleep little or none for several days. About ten days after this I came back to
Cambuslang, & while I was at Secret Prayer, after I had gone to bed & could
not sleep, & rose again, & was for a good while very dead & lifeless in that duty,
at length in the morning, it pleasd the Lord to loose my bands, by pouring out
a Spirit of Supplication on me, & enabling me to pour out my heart before
him, in another manner than ever I had done before. I cannot now remember
one word by another that was then set home on my heart: but my heart was
eas’d of all my griefs & sorrows; and fill’d with comfort. That day hearing a
Minister () preach, I immediately fell into a Swoon thro’joy & could hear no
more of that Sermon. At night when I went to Secret Prayer I found my self
much straitned, & nothing of the mornings frame remaind. [577/—] I came in
to the Hall of the Manse at first very dead, but was there filled with joy before
I went out. I continued
For some time after this, I continued restless in my Spirit, suspecting I
might be in a delusion, & that matters were not right with me, till one day at
Secret Prayer, that word came into my heart I will keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on me :6 which was so particularly applied to me, as
if the Lord had said, I will give thee perfect peace. Formerly, I had many
cares how to gain & gather more & more of the things of the world, & these
carking cares were a burden to my Spirit; but after this. Glory to God, he
easd & freed my heart of all worldly cares, & I car’d not what might befall
me in the world, provided I might have the love & favour of God in Christ
toward me, & might have grace to love & serve him. And from that time forth
my mind was kept stayd on him; & the Concerns of his glory and Interest
>3:36.
Isa 26:3.