Series 6 > McCulloch examinations of the Cambuslang revival (1742) > Volume 6

EXAMINATIONS OF PERSONS UNDER SPIRITUAL CONCERN II 257
lay nearer my heart than any Concerns of my own; I became concern’d for
the Salvation of others as much as my own, and prayd as heartily for them
as for my self, & every thing I see or hear of that dishonours him is grieving
& wounding to my Soul.
[578/-] And from that time to this (Novr. 14. 1743) I have been kept
trusting in him: tho I sometimes now & then when I fall under clouds &
darkness, when I find corruption prevail, so as to be much troubled for
sin as dishonouring to God, yet so far as I remember, I have not had any
one doubt or fear of my Interest in Christ. And the Lord has in mercy so
sanctify’d & sweetned every Lot I fall into, that nothing now falls amiss to
me, because it is the holy Will of God & because he has given me himself for
my portion. I am now helped to bear with ease & cheerfulness, many tryals
that were formerly most afflicting & distressing to me, under which I was
often ready to sink. I have now no Cross in the world but a body of sin &
death. So gracious has the Lord been to me ever since, that he never one day
leaves me comfortless. Christ is now become all in all to me; I know not how
to live without him: & the evidences of his love to me, & often feel a most
fervent love in my heart to him: I lov’d him for a while, mainly because he
has done and suffered so much for me, but now I love him for himself, and
because of his own Excellency & loveliness, which he hath discovered to me:
& every day I see always new cause to praise him, for new discoveries of his
Love [579/—] and loveliness: and the thoughts of Eternity are sweet to me,
because then I’ll then get time enough to praise him, & be put in a capacity
to do it, without any Sinful imperfection. He has often manifested forth his
Glory & his love to me in Private duties & Publick Ordinances, particularly
at several Sacrament-Occasions at Cambusing last year & this, & my joys have
then & at other times so overflow’d, that my Body has been made to shake
& tremble. I am now afraid of nothing but offending & dishonouring him
by sin. Death that was a terror to me to think of, is now become a pleasure
to me: he has been pleasd (in condescending grace) to make it known to me,
that he has taken me (poor deform’d hell-deserving me) for his Spouse, that
he hath betrothed me to himself: and I now consider Death as a messenger
to come & call me home to my Lord & Husband, to be where he is: and, tbo’
I do not know how matters may alter with me, yet for the present, & for
a long time past, the thoughts of Death are as pleasant & delightful to me;
as a message would be to a Loving Wife would be to come away home to
her Husband. Until the day break and the shadows fly away: make haste my
Beloved & be thou as a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether,7
Even so come Lord Jesus. Amen
[580/— blank]
SS 2:17.