Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

242 RHYS LEWIS.
and were able to go to bed at nigbt undisturbed by fears and
the admonitions of conscience ? "
"I do very well. Such was the case with me for many
years," I answered.
" Now," said Abel, " can you tell me what constituted your
happiness at that time ? Was it your own purity ; or was it
because you had never given yourself a thought ? Was it
because you knew God, because you had caught a glimpse
of His divine majesty, His stainless sanctity, His hate of
every appearance of evil ? Was it because you had felt His
infinite love in giving His Son to death for us, had rested your
soul upon Christ's atonement and sacrifice, and enjoyed the
peace which, is in the Gospel in consequence? Was it that
which made you happy ? "
" I do not know," replied I.
"Try and think. We will wait a minute or two, for you
may consider," said Abel.
'•I fancy," I presently observed, "that my former haj^piness
consisted in an utter absence of a right knowledge of myself,
together with the fact that I had not realised a single great
truth concerning God and his ordinances. In other words,
now I come to think of it, I believe it was my ignorance of
mvself and of God that made up my happiness."
" Just so," remarked Abel. " Eut one question more. Tou
recollect a time, do you not, before you had committed those
sins to which you referred last night? Good. "WTien you began
committing them, I know it was the least heinous of them — if
it is right I should say so — you committed first, was it not ?
Now in committing the first, how did you feel ? Did you feel
as if you were travelling some new road, or as if you were
merelv on an old one which had deteriorated ? Did you feel
you had made a ' right about face,' as these volunteers say? "
"No, I think not," 1 replied. "I believe I was always ia
the same road, only I found it becoming worse as I walked."
" I guessed as much," said Abel. " Now, taking your own
account, do you ■not see there is greater hope of your salvation
to-day than ever there was ? Even during your best period
you never seem to have realised your condition as a sinner,
nor to have had any just comprehension of that God whom, iu