Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

RHYS LEWIS. 24]
These things might be cast in your teeth to the end of your
days ; because it often happens that man is reproached for old
faults by his fellows, years after God has forgiven him. If I
had not myself known something, from experience, of the
depravity of heart of fallen humanity, possibly I might have
looked differently upon your confession. But I do know some-
thing of the struggle against temptation and being once and
again overcome, and I trust I know som.ething also of coming
out of the fight victorious. Perhaps there may be those who'll
say my duty is to turn you out of doors, proclaim your faults to
the world and expel you from the church ; and they might think
me merciful for not doing more. But I shall do neither the one
thing nor the other. Why should I ? I am a great sinner my-
self. I reflected last night, after you had gone to bed, that if
we were each to make full and complete confession of our
faults, what strangers we should become to one another! I
thought, also, how small is the real difference between the best
and the worst of us. Tell me honestly, now— but, for that
matter, I know you will not do otherwise — have you declared
eternal war against the devil and the depravity of your own
heart? Are you resolved, with the help of God, either to
conquer or die in the strife ? "
" I have nothing to conceal," replid I. "I hate myself, but
I have no one in my own stead to dote upon. I hate my
actions and my evil habits of old, but I find no pleasure in any
other. The truth is, I have no love for myself or for anything
outside myself, which is the same, I fear, as to say I hate
everything."
"So," said Abel. "It would be vain for me to give you
those counsels which are given every day to all men— those
you have heard hundreds of times from the pulpit and in Com-
munion, and which have, to a great extent, become meaning-
less by this time, both to those who give and those who are
given them. But did you ever before feel as you have felt for
the last few weeks ? Try and call to mind, now."
" No, for certain," I replied.
" Good. Do you remember a time when you were tolerably
contented in spirit, when you enjoyed the service in chapel,