Series 1 > Diary of Sir Archibald Johnston of Wariston 1632-1639

MEMENTO QUAMDIU VIVAS
203
both; condemning both of by respects1 and resinging both in
Gods hands so that I wald neyther pray for it nor against it;
so despairing of any good to follou upon myne or thair desyres,
and, running as it wer out of myselth and from them, I took my
burden and custed on God, telling him I trusted, I relyed only
on his love and not on thairs nor myne auin, on his wysdome
and not on thairs nor myne, on his pouer and not on thairs nor
myne, and so with many strong cryes, groans, and tears that he
wald neyther fulfil my wil nor thairs hot only to accomplisch
that quhilk tended most to his glory, the weal of his servants,
and our salvation; so that my saul prayed earnestly against
my auin affections that he wald hinder it if it tended not to
thos ends, and, contraire to my freinds, that he wald further it
if it tended; with unfeigned earnest heartines my saule within
me cryed against both, and as mutch against the first as the
second. After this my mistrust of myselth and trust in God,
with extraordinar instancy I urged him to accept this chairge;
and with argumenting confidence mingled with tears I con¬
jured him to caive al his divine attributs both of indulgence
and providence to me in hindring or fui’thring of it, becaus
he had ever hithertil doone so to me especialy in the first,
becaus he had under my trouble given me ane heart to pray
for it, had promised to hear me, had maid me conceave hoope
in his goodnes for it by reason of both. After my hoome-
coming at night, in my auin chalmer God dealt wonderfullie
with me evin as that od Saturday morning in my first ouing,
for the assurance of my remission nou sealed up to my saule,
my despaire of myselth and relyance on him, my filial unutter¬
able confidence of my Faythers love, pouer, and wysdome maid
me with groans, sighs, crys unspeakle [sic] to reiterat al my
mornings petitions to God as to my Fayther, to Chryst as to
my Saviour, to the Sprit as to my Comforter, for the quhilk
libertie and comunion cause thairof my saule heart and body
blissed God heartily. I had almost forgottin ane unaccustomed
deadnes of my heart and absence of Gods Sprit quhilk I fand for
ane houre on Saturday afternoone befor the comunion, as also
the clear sight, quhilk the Lord gaive to me on Sunday after-
Private ends to