Series 6 > McCulloch examinations of the Cambuslang revival (1742) > Volume 6

EXAMINATIONS OF PERSONS UNDER SPIRITUAL CONCERN II
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many persons, all confirming the truth of what I was chargd with, one after
another. Upon this I fell into great distress of Spirit, partly at the thoughts
of my being a poor condemn’d Sinner, & I was verily persuaded that if I had
died then or before I got out of that State I was then in, that I would gave
gone to hell, & that it would have been perfectly just with God to have sent
me there for ever: but my Grief & Soul-distress was chiefly & above all things
because I had so dishonoured God by all my Sins, & especially that I had so
dishonoured Christ by my Unbelief, and this was a thought I could now bear
up under, because I knew & was now persuaded, that as he was the [$84/-]
worst & most dreadful of all Enemies that ever I could meet with; so he was
the best of all Friends; and the Lord gave me at that time a heart to melt into
Sorrow on this account; to look to him whom I had pierced by my Sins &
to mourn as one mourns for the loss of the dearest friend, for the death of
an only Son or a first-born. I did not however cry out, either at this time or
any other, nor did I ever Swarf nor had I any visions. I was made however at
this time & afterward sometimes to weep abundantly. And sometimes after
this, when I have been hearing Sermon on Cambuslang Brae, & siting hearing
Sermon before the warm Summer-Sun I have been like to made to tremble
with grief for Sin, as if I would have been all shaken to pieces.
From this time I continued till August next in darkness & distress of Spirit,
before I got any Relief or Outgate, and got nothing [ ]5 all that time Sensibly
apphed to me, and could my Self apply nothing that I read or heard for my
comfort. [585/—] Yet the Lord was pleased in mercy to keep me all that time
diligent in the use of the means of grace: I came for a long time almost every
day to Camb. & heard Sermon there: I often read my Bible by my Self; and
was much taken up in Secret Prayer & mourning for Sin: & tho I was often
at the point of despair, sometimes for a little while, seem’d to sink in despair,
yet the Lord kept me from sinking quite in that horrible pit of despair & gave
me some little glimmering of hope again, so much at least as to keep me close
to the use of the means of Salvation.
At length, while I was sitting on the Brae at Camb. On a Thursday about
the beginning of August 1742, before Sermon began, that word came into
my heart with power, Who is there among you that fears the Lord that obeys
the voice of his Servant, that walks in darkness & hath no light, let him trust
in the name of the Lord and stay himself on his God. These [586/—] words
were apply’d to me with that Light and Power that made see that the Lord
had wrought in me these Qualifications there mentioned, & was made to trust
& stay my Self on God in Christ, with some hope of his being my God: and
in being helped to do so, much of the Burden that was upon my Spirit was
taken off, & I was much eased and comforted. Next Lords day, which was
the Preparation Sabbath before the 2nd Sacrament there in 1742,1 was under
5 Insertion [‘comfortable’]: McCulloch.