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EXAMINATIONS OF PERSONS UNDER SPIRITUAL CONCERN II
[357/—] After that Communion-Occasion, I long’d much for another;
& shortly after got liberty to go to the Sacrament at Paisley: but there I
was all the time under great hardness of heart: I came home from it much
discouraged, and continued two days under great Agonies of Soul, because I
had not met with Gods gracious presence there: And was made to see that I
was lost & undone, unless I got on a better Righteousness than my own. And
I was helped to renounce all trust in my own Righteousness, & was made to
believe that Christ clothed me with his Righteousness: and every time I went
to Secret Prayer, I was made to believe that Christ was pleading my Cause at
the Right hand of God, & was standing with out-stretched arms of mercy
ready to receive me; and found him allowing me much communion and
nearness to him. And this frame continued with me for a considerable time.
Not long after this, I came to the 2d Sacrament at Camb. in August 1742,
and had great manifestations of the Love of God to my Soul, on Sabbath &
Munday, (which were the only days I had access to attend there). On Sabbath
when I was hearing Sermons at one of the Tents, that word [358/-] came into
my heart with great sweetness & delight, Arise my Love my fair one and come
away.4 Upon which I came quickly & cheerfully to the Table, & met with
much of the Lords presence there. My heart was even almost overwhelmed
under the Sensible Out-lettings & Manifestations of the love of Christ to my
soul: and this frame continued with me next day; and for a long time after.
All the harvest following, much of it remain’d with me, & every day almost
I was still getting some new manifestations of the Love of God.
And so also all the Winter ensuing the Lord favoured me with much sweet
Communion & fellowship with himself, especially in the duty of Secret Prayer:
tho’ I cannot say, I met with so much of his gracious Presence in Publick
Ordinances, as I had the Summer before. And in the Spring & Summer 1742,
I also met oftimes with the Lords gracious Presence in Secret duties, tho’ I
do not meet with that measure of Love & joy that I usd to have, except at
some particular times.
My heart-Corruptions are a daylie grief to me, & I endeavour to apply
to Christ to cure me of them: but many a time when I find them so strong,
I am made to think that I have not yet met with a Saving Change: at other
times I got some Victory over them, & then I am made to hope the Lord
has begun a good Work in my heart, & will perfect it at the day of Christ;
to whom be glory -for ever, Amen [359/-] and I find my heart main desires
for ordinary running out, above all things in the world, after the Enjoyment
of Christ in his Ordinances here, & for ever hereafter in Heaven; to him be
glory for ever. Amen.
[360/- blank]
4 SS 2:13.

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