Series 6 > McCulloch examinations of the Cambuslang revival (1742) > Volume 6

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EXAMINATIONS OF PERSONS UNDER SPIRITUAL CONCERN II
or drink, except only that I drank water: & with great pressing of some, I
took little bit of bread on Tuesday, but for several days I found that but still
as it were sticking in my breast. All these 3 days I was in the greatest distress
that one could be in under a Sense of unbelief & heart-corruptions, & the
evil & hatefulness of them; and I thought they were so strong and powerful,
that they would be my utter undoing. As for fears of Hell, I never had any
either of that or any other time. A minister () coming to see me, when he
came in [ ]10 & saw me in distress, smil’d & said, What’s is this that ails thee
O’er thee now: thou never murderd any body, I believe. I replied, I might be
was guilty enough of other sins, tho I was free [207/—] of that. He told me
Manasses was guilty of as great sins as, I and yet obtaind mercy. And then
began to ask me several questions how this distress had befallen me. When I
told him I never had any fears of Hell, he said, Thou has war’d me then, for
I have been fear’d for Hell many a time. One thing in my condition I believe,
was very singular & very afflicting to me, that in all that time, I could not
pray one word. I could not get into a frame for prayer, or any one word
uttered to God either on my knees, when I went to them as I often did, nor
could I put up one Petition to God at other times, when I was not on my
knees, in an ejaculatory way. Only I got liberty to say often, with tongue and
heart, That I was content to be Eternally oblig’d to Christ for the Work of
Redemption, and immediatly after I had said so, those words were impressd
with great power & vigour on my Spirit, The Seal of Heaven: and as oft as I
repeated the former words in the time of these three days, the [208/—] latter
words came always in at the back of them. I did not will and these words at
the time, but came to understand them better to my Comfort afterward. I
went and talkd with a minister () and askd him, If he thought I should go
back to Cambuslang again: he said, What should you do but go back? I think
you have good reason to go back: So I resolvd to return there on Thursday.
But before I did so, while I was at home essaying to pray, the first word I got
uttered in prayer after three days time, was, ¥et that of Jonah, which came
in with power, & gave me liberty to pray, Yet will I look toward thy holy
Temple:11 and this was immediately followed by that of Job, Tho thou slay
me, yet will I trust in thee.12 On Thursday returning to Cambuslang I got
liberty to hear two Sermons on the Brae with some composure, but cannot
say there was much Concern on me. But after these two Sermons were over,
hearing there was to be a Sermon in the Kirk, I went & heard a Sermon by
a minister (26) on that Text Is. He feedeth on [209/—] ashes, a deceived heart
hath led him astray so that he cannot deliver his soul, nor say. Is there not a
10 Insertion [‘as soon as I saw him I just flew to him, for gladness & cry’d out’]: McCulloch.
11 Jnh2:4.
12 Job 13:15.