Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

428 RHYS LEWIS.
part of my work. I now see that this is out of the question,
and I am sorry for having taken so much time in speaking of less
worthy topics. It was not without a great deal of serious reflec-
tion that I undertook, before I was twenty-three years old, the
pastorate of the church I was reared in. It was myself I feared
and not the church, for I knew every one of the members, who
were easily-accessible, kindly people. I wanted no time to
make myself at home. In going to Miss Hughes's to lodge, I
was but returning to my old habitation. All that was new to
me was the work. It is not for me to say what adapability I
possessed for my duties ; but I can say that my heart was full
of them, and that my desire to perform them in the best way
possible knew no bounds. I felt that my undertaking the
office gave evidence of high aspiration, and often was self-
abashed in consequence. But I think the responsibility thus
cast upon me, induced me to pray more. If I was bound to fail,
I determined it should not be by reason of indolence, careless-
ness and self-sufficiency. I worked hard — possibly too hard —
but I take no credit to myself for that — I couldn't help it. My
stipend was small, but it was enough; my needs were not
great. Indeed, I think I found consolation many times in the
meagreness of my pay. It was not suflaciently large to bring me
uneasiness of mind, and it was too small for anyone else to be at
the pains of reproaching me. Had anybody done so, I fear I
should have refused it altogether ; there being a deal of mother's
unreasoning independence about me. But no one ever did. I
tried to do my duty ; and I had in me an ambition, a principle,
or something, to give satisfaction to those whom I served.
The harder I worked the calmer became my mind, the easier I
could sleep of nights. If I slackened my hands, my old enemy,
low spiritedness, assailed me on the instant. I have not had
much cause to complain since I am here ; and even if I had,
there were occasions enough for thankfulness to make me hold
my peace. I was not overlooked by the Monthly Meeting, and
was selected for ordination much sooner than I deserved. I
got every assistance and encouragement from David Davis and
" Eos;" every kindness from the church in general and the
young people in particular.
About two years ago. I thought this kindness was becoming