Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

426 RHYS LE WIS.
should take a lower place than if what I have chronicled had
not happened. This was a source of great worry to me. I
foresaw that some would be ready to say I had been lazy, than
which I could not imagine a more odious accusation, nor one
from which I was more free,whatever might be my other short-
comings. Then I would think of my father in his deplorable
condition. How fearful ! And yet I felt some calmness of
conscience at the thought that I had done my best for him ; and
I fancied, if fancy it were, hearing a well-known voice saying:
" Do not grieve, my son. You have done your duty, as I my-
self did mine, by him. Between him and God be it, now."
A ray of light shot across my mind. Not in vain had been my
journey to B . I persuaded myself that my encounter
with Will Bryan was a blessing. I had reason to believe that
he was not left untroubled by serious thoughts about his
condition. He gave me his word that he would go to chapel,
and I knew "Will did not consider the man who broke his
promise to be true to nature. Besides, I felt I was eternally
rid of the nightmare which had haunted me for so many years.
Henceforth I could apply myself to the work of preaching with-
out fear of my name being brought into disgrace.
What now troubled me most was the examination. I was
certain I should cut a sorry figure at it. But I was spared.
When I reached Bala I felt very queer. I thought the old
town had entirely changed within the last two days. I fancied
I had made a mistake, and that I had got out at the wrong
station. I was thankful it was late, for my limbs trembled,
and I feared people would take me for a drunken man. After
much trouble I reached my lodgings. With a great doubt on
the subject, I opened the door. But I was right after all, for
here was Williams shaking hands with me heartily. I have no
recollection of anything else.
Nine or ten days later I found myself in bed. It was day-
light, and I tried to sit up, but could not. I saw Williams at
mv side, and heard him say, " Well, lad ; how do you feel ?"
To which I answered, " What is the matter ? Who has been
beating me ? Where have I been ?"
With a brightening face, he bade me be quiet and told me I
had been very ill.