Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

J^JTYS LEWIS. 315
much. It's a queer idea, but I've often thought, of late that
if I had happened to be my own father I'd have brought
myself up much better. People may possibly think me selfish
for skedaddling, but I can't stand the disgrace. And there is
Suze, poor girl ! I couldn't look her in the face. It's lucky
there's been nothing definite between us. I must be going.
Something urges me."
" You've given me a shock, Will; " said I. " Many a time
liave your help and sympathy been very precious to me. But
I never remember the occasion, before to-night, when you
wanted sympathy yourself. Will you take one piece of advice
from me?"
« ' What is that, old fellow ? "
" Whenever you go, and wherever you go to, will you take
care to get a ticket of membership ? And, after you are settled
in your new home, will you enquire for the chapel and send on
your ticket to the deacons ? I may as well tell you the honest
truth, Will, I have a fear you'll go wrong."
"I had hoped," he replied, "that you wouldn't have
mentioned this; but since you've done so, I, too, must say
something which has been on my mind this long time. It
would take me a day to tell you all. For me to ask for a ticket
would be only humbug. I have dissembled a great deal too
much already. You fancy, I dare say, you know my history
pietty well ; but you know nothing. I can't conceal the fact
from myself that there isn't the least spark of religion about
uie. Do you remember your mother saying there was an " old
man " in my heart, and I making fun of her ? The old
woman was perfectly right. What she meant, as you know,
was depravity; only she had a rather odd name for it. I don't
know how to tell you the story of my mind, and I would much
rather not try. I feel, somehow, as if I were gospel-proof; and
I've not been able now, for some time, to remember a single
verse that doesn't tell against me. Lots of them come to mind,
now and then. To tell you the truth, I have not read the
Bible since I don't know when— because, as often as I did so,
those verses which were against me were the ones I always
spotted. I'm but young, and yet I feel as if I'd stolen a
march on the Gospel ; or I ought perhaps to say, as if I had