Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

2 46 HHYS LEWIS.
There was something in the depth of my soul •which * asked a
sign.' I recalled the story of the pillar of cloud by day and
the pillar of fire by night, and fancied there was some sense in
that; something which man could see and be certain about. I
remembered, also, Joshua in the Valley of Gibeon commanding,
in God's name, the sun to stand still, and it did so. There was
something noble in that ; something to bring peace to the un-
easy mind of man. And then I would ask myself why had we
been deprived of all such signs for centuries, why had ages
been passed in most painful silence ? I felt, somehow, as if
God had gone from home, and left everything and every place
empty and mute. At times I had such a strange, overwhelm-
ing desire to see God marching to the front from the distances
to which He had .retired, that I would have willingly been
witness to another general Deluge, whatever my fate therein
might be ! What gave my mind unrest ? I believe it was the
original aspirations implanted'in the soul after a knowledge of
God's purpose and intent with regard to man and his future
that had been seriously disturbed. But this is what I was
leading up to : I never had a moment's peace and quiet for my
mind until I got to believe, with all my heart, the great fact of
the Lord's appearance in the flesh. Though I knew the story
already, I had not believed it, believed it with an object, until
I came to feel the depth of my depravity, and was made
conscious of the elements of wretchedness, evergrowing and
immeasurable, within my own being. Beyond the belief of
Christ's coming in the flesh, there is but the silence of the
grave for me, everywhere; there is no clear answer to one
single question of my perturbed soul. But the life, teaching,
death, atonement and resurrection of our Saviour defy the soul
to put a question which cannot be satisfactorily answered.
"Now, my son, I will not ask you whether you know the
story ; I know you do, as well as I. But do you believe it,
wholly, unhesitatingly and for ever ? I do not expect from you
a decisive answer. For my own part, I do not attach much
weight to the instant belief which some people talk of. My
own experience teaches me that man does not gain it except by
hard study, deep and constant meditation, and prayer without
ceasir.g. My great desire is to set you ou the way to begin the