Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

i88 RHYS LEWIS.
" You know," he said presently, " tliat it is but few, even of
the professors, who can answer questions like those, clearly
and unequivocally ? "
" What am I to understand by 'unequivocally?'" she asked.
•'Don't try to hide your meaning in words which are beyond
me."
"Well," replied Bob, '-we'll put 'unequivocally' on one
side. I say again, it is but few even of the really religious who
are able to answer your questions clearly and without hesitation
or doubt. And I believe you hardly expect me to answer
them authoritatively. If I am able to do so after reaching
your age I shall be thankful. I do not want to conceal my
meaning from you, so I must confess it is in darkness I am,
up to now, and that I am but feeling the way. I can
honestly say I continue to grope, but spiritual truths appear to
escape me. I assure you that my soul's cry is—' Light, light,
more light!' At times I think I have it— from on high; but
it is only as a lightning flash, which leaves me in greater
darkness than before. At other times I get another kind of
light— from below; in following which I find myself among
the bogs and marshes, whereupon I become aware the light is
that of a corpse-candle. What am I to do ? I am not willing
to shut my eyes and sit, despairing, in the dark. If I did that
I should be like Satan, of whom Goronwy Owen says that he
' Loves lurking in the great abyss.'
I do not love the darkness ; I rub my eyes, stand a-tiptoe, and
crane my neck for some sign of morning. All I see, however,
is the night shaking out black sheets across the sideless
bed of truth. I had resolved not to say anything to you
about the state of my mind, for I knew it would pain you. I
am already sorry that I did not keep it all to myself; and yet
I could not, since you questioned me. I know you do not
understand me. To you who are ever living in the midst of
the light, my words seem mad; but I can assure you they are
the words of truth and soberness. I have gathered from your
talk, for some time, that you believe me to be careless with
respect to religious matters ; but the Omniscient knows that I
am not so. And yet the future is utterly dark to me. I am