Blair Collection > Rhys Lewis, minister of Bethel

J^HYS LEWIS. 147
even to Will Bryan, that I suffered the pangs of hunger. I am
certain, ho-wever, that he guessed as much, because I saw him,
on sundry occasions, going into the house and bringing out a
great piece of bread and butter, or bread and meat. After a
bite or two he would pull a wry face, and say he had no appetite
and that he must throw the food away if I didn't take it. The
lions raged, and rather than allow him to do that, I would accept
it from him. Ah, Will ! thou understoodest my proud heart as
well as thou knewest of my empty stomach !
Such small things as we were able to spare, mother sold,
taking care that the purchasers were strangers, always. She
was terribly afraid the chapel people would get to know we
were in such straits, for what reason I cannot tell, unless it was
the one I have hinted, namely, a spirit of independence or false
pride. I think she was guilty even of dissimulation on two or
thi-ee occasions, but I hope that under the circumstances it was
excusable. Once when we were without a single grain of food
in the house, and after a long abstinence, we went over to
Thomas and Barbara Bartley's, under pretence of congratulating
them on their coming to service— a matter to which I shall have
to refer again. I have no doubt whatever, in my own mind,
that mother rejoiced in her heart to find the two old folk had
begun to attend chapel ; but there was some secret understand-
ing between us that we should not be allowed to leave Thomas
Bartley's house without a capital meal. We went there three
times, on one excuse and another, and not once did we come
away fasting or empty-handed. The period is a painful one
to speak of, and I hasten on, leaving untouched many
incidents of distress which rise vividly before me as I write.
One, however, I cannot pass by without particular reference.
It was between breakfast and dinner times, that is with other
people, breakfast time and dinner time having no special
signification for us. We had not tasted a bit since the middle
of the previous day. Weak and dispirited, I tried to pass the
time reading. Mother sat by, still and meditative. Presently
she got up, put on her bonnet, and then sat down again for a
brief while. She got up a second time, put her cloak about her,
and, after a little musing, sat down once more. Evidently she
was in some deen conflict of mind. I heard her mutter some-