An Comunn Gàidhealach Publications > Gaidheal > Volumes 46--48, January 1951--December 1953

Our Island
By EIUEANACH
9. ISLAND CHARACTERS
AS I look back upon my school-days, I
recall my encounters with the man whom I
. afterwards visited for the sake of the stores he
»could tell so well.
He was a great tease, often intercepting the
- ijferildren on their way home from school, and
Cashing them more questions than they were
r' able to answer. The opening question usually
was, “ Were you in school today ? ” When we
j answered "Yes,” he would say, for example,
“ “ Spell ‘cat’—and begin at its tail.” This
i form of the question stumped us, and we could
i only stare at him, while he beamed on us.
.- Sometimes the opening question was, “ Do
I you know English ? ” If we said “ Yes/’ he
* ) would test our knowledge of the Saxon tongue
cj by asking, “ What is the English translation
Jof ? ”, mentioning an unfamiliar Gaelic
word of five syllables that sounded like a place-
name. The unwary would say, “ I don’t know !”,
whereupon Rory would shrug his shoulders,
|}and walk away, saying, “ Oh ! it is not! ”
It is strange to think that I first heard the
English nursery rhyme, “ The house that Jack
built,” from this Islander. He could repeat it
with incredible speed, apparently believing that
this should be one’s aim in repeating the well-
known rhyme. He once surpxised me in another
way. I had been reading one of Scott’s novels,
and complained to my friend that we had no
great writers in our day. He at once leached
for a volume of “ Pear’s Annual ” that lay on a
small shelf against the wall, and there and then
read to me from the book one of Conan Doyle’s
stories. When he had finished, he looked at me
with a smile playing on his face, as much as to
say, " Are you satisfied now ? ”
jlf Rory was not the only humorist on the Island,
i jj Of one man, a much younger man, it might be
{l said that he never spoke without uttering a
I witticism. It was his ordinary conversational
41 manner. Many of his quips were in the form
11 of puns, which cannot be reproduced in another
> language; and, although punning has been
I derided as the lowest form of wit, it can be
■ very amusing.
, I Jokes and sallies at the expense of the un-
i married of both sexes were numerous. I once
asked permission in class to tell a humorous
story illustrating our use of the adverbial
l phrase, " a chaochladh,” which corresponds to
j the English phrase, " the contrary.” Had I
v known the following joke then, I would have
t told it, instead. A spinster, in whose name the
family croft had been entered, received an
official letter addressed, " The Proprietor,” etc.
Referring to this form of address when a neigh¬
bour, himself a bachelor, called, the spinster’s
brother turned to her, and said, “ They think
you are a male ! ” “ She has not proved the
contrary ! ” said the visitor.
Even plain men, not naturally endowed with
a sense of humour, often said clever things, as
when an Islander said of his own sailing-boat
that, since a certain alteration had been made,
if could win any part of the land to which one
pointed. I once heard a man of the same type
say of another man that he walked with his
head in the air, like a man in attendance on
the moon !
Good humour prevailed in this way, and there
was no lack of entertainment. One circumstance,
however, could interfere with it, making many
of our men dull and irritable. This was a to¬
bacco famine, common on an “ island of the
sea,” as we called the Island when its isolated
nature was uppermost in our thoughts. The
man who was fortunate enough to have a little
tobacco in reserve on such occasions was the
most popular person on the Island for the time
being, his company being much sought.
I fancy I can still see my old friend, Rory,
laying siege, in his artful way, to such a man
“ Have you baccy? ” he would begin. If the
answer was favourable, Rory’s gloom would
change to smiles and chuckles, and he would
withdraw a little as if he had no further interest
in the matter. Presently, he would return,
and ask, “ Have you pipe ? ” If the answer was
again encouraging, Rory’s pleasure was even
more apparent than before. His third question
was, “ Have you knife? ” If the answer was
"Yes,” Rory’s satisfaction mounted visibly, and,
after the usual theatrical pause, he would
finally ask, “ Have you match ? ” It was difficult
to refuse him a smoke after such studied capers.
A cousin of my own told me of an incident
that shows the men’s fondness for the weed.
Having gone for a load of peat to a small island
with only two families living on it, a boat’s
crew had a meal in one of the houses. After
the meal, their host, guarding the doorway,
declared, " Not a soul will leave this house
until I get the food for which there is room on
top of every other food ! ” My informant re¬
membered that another cousin, who was prob¬
ably the youngest member of the crew, turned
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