Life and diary of Lieut. Col. J. Blackader

526 LIFE OF COL. BLACKADER. CHAP. XXI.
God; and prayed secretly, often with fixed fervent
looks towards heaven. As he weakened, he began to
be delirious ; but whenever spiritual discourse was
begun to him, he immediately came to himself again,
and joined in it with the greatest seriousness ; and he
bade us that were about him, check him when we
found him wavering, which we took the freedom to
do, and which he took most kindly. About three
hours before his death, his thoughts began much to
waver, and the fever seized his head, and he became
uneasy, but suddenly his spirit fled, and he went away
calmly with little struggle. In a word, I never saw
any man die more as a Christian hero, with so much
natural fortitude, and such lively faith. He was
pleasant in his life, and pleasant in his death. O
keep the impression strong upon my heart for ever, of
what I have seen and heard here.
May 10. Came into Edinburgh this morning ;
waited on the Commissioner to the Assembly, and
went home.
June 22. Getting letters with the accounts of a
new Governor. Lord, let it be for thy glory and
our good ; thou doest all things for us well.
July 7. Going out early in the morning to Kil-
madock, being the day before the sacrament. Heard
two good and suitable sermons. Walking in the fields
alone after sermon, meditating on the solemn ordi-
nance. I complain of a hard, dead heart, carnal
earthly affections, no relish for spiritual things. I
desire to come straight to Christ by faith, to believe
in him as a complete Saviour, able to heal all my
plagues, to pardon all my sins, to stop all my com-
plaints, to make up all my wants. Lord, give me