Series 1 > Diary of Sir Archibald Johnston of Wariston 1632-1639

DIARY, 1637-1639
303
great dulnes, lumpischnes, heavines of my sprit, the sprit of
my calling, in that morning quhairin I intended to beginne.
I read 10 Math. v. 19 and 20. I promised to obey the
comand, ‘Taik no thought; be not over sollicitous or distrustful
quhou or quhat to speak, the maner and matter of thy
wryting, pleading ’; to beleive the promise, ‘ For it schal be
given you in the same houre quhat ye schal speak ’; and prayed
the Lord to let me in his auin tyme, and if it be his will ev
to. vvv to feele experimentally the treuth of it as somtymes
I haive found of befor, and to force me to acknouledge the
unquestionable soliditie of the reason, ‘ For it is not ye that
speak, hot the Sprit of your Fayther which speaketh in you.’
And seing I fand my present dulnes, deadnes, and a benum-
mednes of sprit, I prayed the Lord to be with me by his quick-
ning, enliving, wakning Sprit, that, be the present chainge
ab extremo ad extremum, I might seie alsweal the inabilitie
of my natural pairts and the abilitie of the Lords supplying i9 janu.
them, as I seie the corruption of nature and the sanctification
of his grace in my conversation; that I may seie the natural
sprit and the spritual sprit of my calling, and be the mor
inaibled thairby to humble myselth in dust and asches, and
magnifie the Lord quho maiks me seie it is in him I am aible
to doe any thing; seing of myselth, without his reneuing in¬
fluence, I am sensibly aible to doe nothing eyther in wryting,
thinking, speaking, pleading. O Lord, let dust and asches be
bold, evin nou quhyle I find ane utter inabilitie in myselth, to
set doune this prayer befor hand That thou wald be with me
in my studie about this particular of the Hie Commission
quhilk ruins thy glory, worschip, discipline, and churche and
ministerie in this land ; and wald so inaible me to conceave the
reasons against it and solve the objections maid for it as I
may be forced to say, ‘ The Lord hes written, spoken, conceaved,
remembred, expressed in me, and not I,’ and so to blisse the
for this as mutch as for the prerogative, seing thy work in
this wil be the mor sensible and visible to me that I find ane
utterly inabilitie, not knouing hou to beginne to think or
wryte, bot my eies ar towards the Lord, evin trusting yet to
prayse him for his felt assistance, notwithstanding my present
felt incapacitie. In Nomine Domini mei. I did wryte mor