Series 5 > Miscellany [of the Scottish History Society] XIII
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MISTRESS RUTHERFORD’S CONVERSION NARRATIVE 173
belived it, till through God’s mercy by Betty Aird as an instrument I
was taught to lay by quhat they said as man’s words, but that I saw
warranded in the Word of God.
Then I began to understand betwixt absence and presence. When I
fand God I was well, and quhen I fand him not I was dungit and heavy
(I was full 19 years at this time) and about Lambas therafter we went
out of town to Cockpen. I had there an ardent thirsting for grace, and
fed on the means in secret, but quhen conscience chocked for eating
the bread of idlnes. Quhen I fand not life in the use of means I thought
all was gone, and all I did a fool’s sacrifice. [10] I fand litle
information of my case by the Word preached there. Then I longed for
death1 that sin might cease and I might enjoy God fully, for his
absence was very bitter to me. And one Sabbath I arose timely to seek
preparation for the right spending of the day (quhilk I had come short
of at night) and went to the waterside aneath the place, and lay aneathe
the watter brae, laying out my wants to God. My longing for God and
death (that I might enjoy him without intermesion) encreased that I
could do litle but mourn for to be out of the body and to be with him.
After a times weeping for this, I saw the day rising and I was struck
with fear to enter in it for fear of not spiritually spending it. While I
am weeping for enjoying of God and fear to mispend the day, John 14
at the beginning is cast into my mind. Let not etc. in my Father’s
house etc.2 This he made me belive and apply, thinking heaven was
keeping for me, and though I wanted sensible presence now and then,
yet he would carry me through and keep me by his power for it.
Further was pointed out to me by that word, Ye belive in God, belive
also in me. Christ and God was one and quhat desire, love, faith, or
fear I owe to the one I owe to both as unseparable: God in Christ
reconciling the world to himself,3 with lost me, so I held redemption
of both. And so they both wer the object of my faith and obedience.
This was not flitting thoughts but a continouing light of the truth, for
at that time my longing was for God and I had not mine eye on Christ.
Thus lovingly was I reproved; I had a sweet blyth day.
Life of Blair, 105, shows how this could become a serious pastoral problem when
‘enthusiasm’ invaded emotional piety.
John 14:1-2: ‘Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me.
In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I
go to prepare a place for you.’
2 Corinthians 5:19.
belived it, till through God’s mercy by Betty Aird as an instrument I
was taught to lay by quhat they said as man’s words, but that I saw
warranded in the Word of God.
Then I began to understand betwixt absence and presence. When I
fand God I was well, and quhen I fand him not I was dungit and heavy
(I was full 19 years at this time) and about Lambas therafter we went
out of town to Cockpen. I had there an ardent thirsting for grace, and
fed on the means in secret, but quhen conscience chocked for eating
the bread of idlnes. Quhen I fand not life in the use of means I thought
all was gone, and all I did a fool’s sacrifice. [10] I fand litle
information of my case by the Word preached there. Then I longed for
death1 that sin might cease and I might enjoy God fully, for his
absence was very bitter to me. And one Sabbath I arose timely to seek
preparation for the right spending of the day (quhilk I had come short
of at night) and went to the waterside aneath the place, and lay aneathe
the watter brae, laying out my wants to God. My longing for God and
death (that I might enjoy him without intermesion) encreased that I
could do litle but mourn for to be out of the body and to be with him.
After a times weeping for this, I saw the day rising and I was struck
with fear to enter in it for fear of not spiritually spending it. While I
am weeping for enjoying of God and fear to mispend the day, John 14
at the beginning is cast into my mind. Let not etc. in my Father’s
house etc.2 This he made me belive and apply, thinking heaven was
keeping for me, and though I wanted sensible presence now and then,
yet he would carry me through and keep me by his power for it.
Further was pointed out to me by that word, Ye belive in God, belive
also in me. Christ and God was one and quhat desire, love, faith, or
fear I owe to the one I owe to both as unseparable: God in Christ
reconciling the world to himself,3 with lost me, so I held redemption
of both. And so they both wer the object of my faith and obedience.
This was not flitting thoughts but a continouing light of the truth, for
at that time my longing was for God and I had not mine eye on Christ.
Thus lovingly was I reproved; I had a sweet blyth day.
Life of Blair, 105, shows how this could become a serious pastoral problem when
‘enthusiasm’ invaded emotional piety.
John 14:1-2: ‘Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me.
In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I
go to prepare a place for you.’
2 Corinthians 5:19.
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| Scottish History Society volumes > Series 5 > Miscellany [of the Scottish History Society] XIII > (188) Page 173 |
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| Permanent URL | https://digital.nls.uk/127315785 |
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| Description | Edinburgh: Printed for the Scottish History Society by Lothian Print, 2004. Scottish History Society ; 5th ser., v. 14. Contents: Eight thirteenth-century texts / edited by W.W. Scott -- Dunfermline gild court book, 1433-1597: missing folios / edited by E. Patricia Dennison -- A memorandum on the customs, 1597 / edited by Athol L. Murray -- The trial of Geillis Johnstone for witchcraft, 1614 / edited by Michael B. Wasser & Louise A. Yeoman -- An early seventeenth-century Scottish conversion narrative / edited by David G. Mullan -- Fiscal Feudalism in seventeenth-century Scotland / edited by Julian M. Goodare -- Witchcraft cases from the register of commissioners of the privy council of Scotland, 1630-1642 / edited by Louise A. Yeoman -- John Hay, earl of Tweeddale, 'Relatione of the wrangs done to the Ladie Yester, 1683' / edited by Maurice Lee, Jr -- Colin Maclaurin's Journal of the 'Forty-five / edited by Bruce A. Hedman. |
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| Shelfmark | SCS.SHS.173 |
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| Description | Over 180 volumes, published by the Scottish History Society, containing original sources on Scotland's history and people. With a wide range of subjects, the books collectively cover all periods from the 12th to 20th centuries, and reflect changing trends in Scottish history. Sources are accompanied by scholarly interpretation, references and bibliographies. Volumes are usually published annually, and more digitised volumes will be added as they become available. |
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