Series 5 > Miscellany [of the Scottish History Society] XIII
(176) Page 161
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MISTRESS RUTHERFORD’S CONVERSION NARRATIVE 161
cheife cause was to redeem time. I had spent evil on many Sabbaths
before, but my aunt would have me to go with her, and I went with
her. So we pulled berrys by the way, and I withdrew myself from the
rest and went to prayer, but could not be freed of that temptation.
Then I came to the rest of the company and we went to Newbatle1 and
came to a gentleman’s house and got meat, and then we came home
again. And there was a place of scripture casten in my mind, the 18 of
Ezekiel 26 v. [i.e., Ezekiel 18:26]: Quhen a rightiouse man tumeth
[from] rightiousnes, and committeth iniquity, his rightiousnes shall not
profit him. Then I thought on the sweetnes I had in the service of God,
and how I had fallen from it, and could see nothing but damnation, for
I thought that place debarred me, for I had made a pitifull defection.2
This way I reasoned by the way till I came home, then I went up to my
chamber, and there was a freind of my cusin’s wife’s there that I could
not put furth, and I lay on my face on my bed as if I had been
sleeping, and laboured to pray but could not. I was so tempted that I
rose and came down to the rest and we went to our supper, and my
cusin bad[e] me eat my meat, and I made excuse I had eaten at
Newbatle. Then I wrestled on with that temptation, somtimes getting
victory and somtimes overcome, somtimes hoping to be freed of it,
and other times near to dispair to be freed of it. Then it became more
slack and I was not so meikle troubled with it.
At this time, we had a man that was sick and I read to him quhen I
belived not myself, and he would have said to me, I was happy, I did
all that I could to win souls to Christ, and the Lord delighted in those.3
Then I wist not what to do, that I should have been thought a
Christian, and then nothing but a misbeliving creature. This way I
wrestled on somtimes beliving that there was a God, and other times
(and I should have quit the life) I could not get it belived. Then it left
me, and it troubled me somtimes, and I used on the means having
somtimes contentment, and wondered at the great mercy of God that
A village south-east of Edinburgh.
‘If the wound proceed from tentations of blasphemie, and with filthy and
abominable thoughts in the minde, judging thy selfe to be nothing else but an
incarnate divell, because of these filthy fantasies that are so Terribilia de fide,
horribilia de divinitate: Remember they are not thy personall sinnes, but thy
crosses’. Abemethy, Christian and Heavenly Treatise, 134.
David Calderwood’s Mother Kirk exclaimed upon ‘that consciencious diligence in
winning of others, & working upon your acquaintance to bring them within the
bosome of my love.’ [David Calderwood], The Speach of the Kirk of Scotland to
her Beloved Children (n.p., 1620), 21.
cheife cause was to redeem time. I had spent evil on many Sabbaths
before, but my aunt would have me to go with her, and I went with
her. So we pulled berrys by the way, and I withdrew myself from the
rest and went to prayer, but could not be freed of that temptation.
Then I came to the rest of the company and we went to Newbatle1 and
came to a gentleman’s house and got meat, and then we came home
again. And there was a place of scripture casten in my mind, the 18 of
Ezekiel 26 v. [i.e., Ezekiel 18:26]: Quhen a rightiouse man tumeth
[from] rightiousnes, and committeth iniquity, his rightiousnes shall not
profit him. Then I thought on the sweetnes I had in the service of God,
and how I had fallen from it, and could see nothing but damnation, for
I thought that place debarred me, for I had made a pitifull defection.2
This way I reasoned by the way till I came home, then I went up to my
chamber, and there was a freind of my cusin’s wife’s there that I could
not put furth, and I lay on my face on my bed as if I had been
sleeping, and laboured to pray but could not. I was so tempted that I
rose and came down to the rest and we went to our supper, and my
cusin bad[e] me eat my meat, and I made excuse I had eaten at
Newbatle. Then I wrestled on with that temptation, somtimes getting
victory and somtimes overcome, somtimes hoping to be freed of it,
and other times near to dispair to be freed of it. Then it became more
slack and I was not so meikle troubled with it.
At this time, we had a man that was sick and I read to him quhen I
belived not myself, and he would have said to me, I was happy, I did
all that I could to win souls to Christ, and the Lord delighted in those.3
Then I wist not what to do, that I should have been thought a
Christian, and then nothing but a misbeliving creature. This way I
wrestled on somtimes beliving that there was a God, and other times
(and I should have quit the life) I could not get it belived. Then it left
me, and it troubled me somtimes, and I used on the means having
somtimes contentment, and wondered at the great mercy of God that
A village south-east of Edinburgh.
‘If the wound proceed from tentations of blasphemie, and with filthy and
abominable thoughts in the minde, judging thy selfe to be nothing else but an
incarnate divell, because of these filthy fantasies that are so Terribilia de fide,
horribilia de divinitate: Remember they are not thy personall sinnes, but thy
crosses’. Abemethy, Christian and Heavenly Treatise, 134.
David Calderwood’s Mother Kirk exclaimed upon ‘that consciencious diligence in
winning of others, & working upon your acquaintance to bring them within the
bosome of my love.’ [David Calderwood], The Speach of the Kirk of Scotland to
her Beloved Children (n.p., 1620), 21.
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| Scottish History Society volumes > Series 5 > Miscellany [of the Scottish History Society] XIII > (176) Page 161 |
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| Permanent URL | https://digital.nls.uk/127315641 |
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| Description | Edinburgh: Printed for the Scottish History Society by Lothian Print, 2004. Scottish History Society ; 5th ser., v. 14. Contents: Eight thirteenth-century texts / edited by W.W. Scott -- Dunfermline gild court book, 1433-1597: missing folios / edited by E. Patricia Dennison -- A memorandum on the customs, 1597 / edited by Athol L. Murray -- The trial of Geillis Johnstone for witchcraft, 1614 / edited by Michael B. Wasser & Louise A. Yeoman -- An early seventeenth-century Scottish conversion narrative / edited by David G. Mullan -- Fiscal Feudalism in seventeenth-century Scotland / edited by Julian M. Goodare -- Witchcraft cases from the register of commissioners of the privy council of Scotland, 1630-1642 / edited by Louise A. Yeoman -- John Hay, earl of Tweeddale, 'Relatione of the wrangs done to the Ladie Yester, 1683' / edited by Maurice Lee, Jr -- Colin Maclaurin's Journal of the 'Forty-five / edited by Bruce A. Hedman. |
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| Shelfmark | SCS.SHS.173 |
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| Description | Over 180 volumes, published by the Scottish History Society, containing original sources on Scotland's history and people. With a wide range of subjects, the books collectively cover all periods from the 12th to 20th centuries, and reflect changing trends in Scottish history. Sources are accompanied by scholarly interpretation, references and bibliographies. Volumes are usually published annually, and more digitised volumes will be added as they become available. |
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