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EXAMINATIONS OF PERSONS UNDER SPIRITUAL CONCERN II
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would have, I think, persuaded me altogether. That there was no God. [51/-]
And indeed I had been a kind of Atheist in practice almost all along before:
I livd without God in the world: my life had been a continued Tract of Sin
& Folly. I had not the Temptations & Opportunities to sin that many have,
else, I think, there was scarce any sin but I would have committed it. I car’d
not what mischief I did, so be I could get it hid from the eyes of the world.
Yet the many of the Evils I was guilty of I was drawn into by others, thro’
a natural easiness of temper. I usd to be just & honest in my dealings: In my
younger years, till I was about fourteen years of age I could drink no ale or
other liquor, but would have trembled when any would have put a cup of
ale into my hand: At length, when about that age, two men offered me each
a penny, if I would drink one cup full of ale: I took the two pence & drank
it off, and after that I learn’d to drink better from time to time, at length I
could not want it, and came just to make a Trade of it, and often abus’d my
self with it & drank to Excess, [f]41 sometimes usd to let an oath fly, when in
passion or in drinks; but I could not endure to hear others swear; and if any
of the company drinking with me fell a swearing, I would have immediatly
run to the door and away. And if I was bad before, I turnd much worse and
wickeder, during that six years that I quite left off all Prayer.
[52/—] In the year 1742 hearing a minister () at the Brae of Cambuslang,
on that Text, Is there no balm in Gilead, is there no physician there,5 I fell
under a great terror of the wrath of God, so that I thought I felt the ground
where I was sitting all shaking : and thought oh how shall I be able to endure
the punishment due to my sins! [ ]6 I was seizd with much horror for fear of
the punishment of sin, but I had no sense of the evil of sin as dishonouring
to God; I fell however again to pray both by my self & in my family; and
continued to do so, but, I continued still my drinking Trade: [ ]7 That Summer
I heard another minister (12)8 preach at Camb. I fell again under great Terror
and thought I would certainly perish for ever: and while I was hearing in this
condition, with my hand over my Eyes, Hell was represented to my mind, as
a Pit at the foot of a Hill, and a great drove of people marching into it, & I
4 Insertion [‘f Sometimes I have workd all day & drunk all night after, & then followed my
work the next day again. And once, I remember, I wrought each lawful day of the week &
drank every night of that week out & out without sleeping any at all till Saturdays night’]:
McCulloch.
5 Jer 8:22.
6 Insertion [‘I then thought I was caught up between the sky and the ground, & there I thought
I shrank altogether when up in the air but fear’d I would fall down again & be crushd all to
pieces.’]: McCulloch.
7 Insertion [‘I went often to Alehouses and drank long there and still after my great fit of
drinking, I could scarce sleep above an hour when I came home; being startled with uneasy
thoughts & fears of judgment ready to overtake me for it, & yet when inward I would seek
to it yet again.’]: McCulloch.
8 George Whitefield (1714-^70) - evangelist.

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