Collected works > Edinburgh edition, 1894-98 - Works of Robert Louis Stevenson > Volume 21, 1896 - Miscellanies, Volume IV

PHILOSOPHY OF UMBRELLAS
Now, as there cannot be any moral selection in a
mere dead piece of furniture — as the umbrella can-
not be supposed to have an affinity for individual
men equal and reciprocal to that which men cer-
tainly feel toward individual umbrellas, — we took
the trouble of consulting a scientific friend as to
whether there was any possible physical explanation
of the phenomenon. He was unable to supply a
plausible theory, or even hypothesis ; but we extract
from his letter the following interesting passage
relative to the physical peculiarities of umbrellas :
' Not the least important, and by far the most curious
property of the umbrella, is the energy which it
displays in affecting the atmospheric strata. There
is no fact in meteorology better established — indeed,
it is almost the only one on which meteorologists
are agreed — than that the carriage of an umbrella
produces desiccation of the air ; while if it be left
at home, aqueous vapour is largely produced, and is
soon deposited in the form of rain. No theory,' my
friend continues, ' competent to explain this hygro-
metric law has yet been given (as far as I am
aware) by Herschel, Dove, Glaisher, Tait, Buchan,
or any other writer ; nor do I pretend to supply the
defect. I venture, however, to throw out the con-
jecture that it will be ultimately found to belong to
the same class of natural laws as that agreeable
to which a slice of toast always descends with the
buttered surface downwards.'
But it is time to draw to a close. We could
expatiate much longer upon this topic, but want
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