Wit and humor > Odds and ends, or, A groat's-worth of fun for a penny

II
Mr. G.—Go away, sir, I will never employ
any of your country again.
Irishman.—Why, your honour? sure we are
good workers? God bless you, do give me a job.
Mr. G.—No, sir, I wont; for the last Irishman
I employed died upon me, and I was forced to
bury him at my own charge.
Irishman.—Ah ! your honour, you need not
fear that of me, for I can get you a certificate that
I never died in the employment of any master I
ever served.
There was no resisting. Poor Paddy got em¬
ployed at once, and remained a faithful servant
until his master’s death.
A Lazy Horse.— Some time ago, a jolly farmer
from D went to Falkirk for ‘sax furlots o'
beans,’ which he had trysted from a Carse farmer,
near B . After spending the day in dram¬
drinking and fun with his cronies, about the ‘go*,
ing down of the siin' he bethought himself of step¬
ping home. The landlord of the S -public
house, with the assistance of his stable-boy, got
the beans, and what was more difficult still, the
‘ gudeman himsel’ ’ on horseback. So off Saunders
got almost galloping. Unluckily, however, at a
sharp turning of the road on Iris route, down came
our hero, beans an’ a’. The whisky (wae be
till’t) had so deranged his powers of perception.,
that he mounted his bean-sack instead of his mare,
that was standing at some distance, no doubt well
pleased to see her master belabouring the bean-
sack instead of her own bony protuberances. At
this moment up comes one of his neighbours, who
had, like himself, staid too long in Falkirk, and
seeing a man riding on a sack in the middle of the
road, at that time of the night, made a solemn