Transcription
BY ROYAL COMMAND. THE following Rules and Regulations have been drawn up for the purpose
of putting down all forms of sin and vice:? 1. No one to be out after dark. 2. All people out of work, and those that are
starving, if they do not die within forty-eight hours
will be cremated alive. All children born after January, 1905, to be fed
on asses' milk, until they are twenty-five years of age;
for, be it known, that our great Parliament of wise
heads has very graciously extended the years of
Babyhood. 4. Any one caught laughing, or singing songs, or
playing any kind of musical instrument, will be sent
to jail for the full term of their natural lives. 5. Any man or woman heard using strong
language in the presence of a Policeman, such as
"Pip! Pip!" "Sugar and Tongs," or, "Go to the
Devil!" shall be immediately proclaimed a dangerous
lunatic; and the said policeman shall have the power
of ordering a straight jacket, so that the said offender
may be taken off to a padded room. 6. No Publican to have a voice in anything; as
he has become a thorough nondescript, through his
own inherent weakness and in ability to defend him-
self. The LAW very generously permits a Land-
lord to select his own place of burial. 7. Every three months, the Great Local
Magnates of Social Reform will distribute Prizes to
those who have cultivated the longest and most
miserable Face; as beauty and cheerfulness belong to
sin and the devil. 8. All shops, public-houses, and private houses to
be closed by 9 p.m. in summer, and 6 p.m. in winter 9. All Theatres and Music Halls to be entirely
closed , except on Sundays, when they will be used for
the purpose of holding Mothers' Meetings. 10. All worldly books to be suppressed at once. 11. Anyone found reading a frivolous or Worldly
Novel will have seven days in the Pillory. 12. Mothers' Meetings to be held three nights a
week?Mondays Wednesdays, and Saturdays. All
over seven years of age must attend. Non compliance
with this most solemn command will be punished by
fine and imprisonment. 13. Young men and women eligible for courtship
must get the sanction of the Wish-I-may-die Society." 14. Any man going for a walk without his wife,
shall forfeit all rights of citizenship, and be expelled
from the " Wish-I-may-die Society." 15. Bigamy will be punished by sudden death. 16. All fresh Air to be taxed; and even the Sun
will not be permitted to shine, without a permit from
the " Wish-I-may-die Society." 17. Every Policeman to have a good moral char-
acter, must hold teetotal principals, and be strictly
pious. 18. All Publicans to attend the "Wish-I-may-die
Society" twice each Sabbath day. Non compliance
with this most solemn rule, the licence will be en-
dorsed. 19. Respectability to be a very prominent feature
in our new code of moral discipline. All male attire
to be black, female loveliness to be draped in white,
the emblem of Purity. 20. All tom eats to be strangled immediately they
are born as they are like the human mind for solemn
devotions. 21. Any person caught minding his own business
will be fined 10s. 22. Any person caught playing penny nap will be
sentenced to 7 years penal servitude. 23. Every person earning 18s. and upwards per
week must get a permit from the " Wish-I-may-die
Society " to spend the said 18s., with full instructions
as to how it shall be spent. 24. All liberty to be banished from the country
after this date, as we are no longer free agents. A
General Meeting to be held on the first day of every
month. 25. All intoxicating drinks to be labelled " Sin and
the Devil," so that the innocent shall not fall. 26. Those who fail to carry out the above rules and
regulations for the better government of Society,
shall not enjoy the rest of the Saints, but shall be
cast into outer darkness, where the " Moral Man "
goeth not. 27. We (the Great and All-powerful), intend to
enjoy ourselves as we think fit, as we have bought the
Earth. The poor have no right to live.
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