Broadside entitled 'A Dialogue Between an Old Maiden & Bachelor'

Transcription

Madam,

Since I've fallen in love with you, I hope you'll 'gree to be my wife ;
I'll give you all that you request, and we'll both live a happy life.

No, Sir,

An old maiden I shall remain, tho' all the world should me despise?
A married life I do disdain, the truth for none I will disguise.

A DIALOGUE

Between an Old Maiden & Bachelor.

BACHELOR.
Good evening, Madam, this night, how do yon do ?

OLD MAIDEN.
I'm pretty well, I thank you, how are you ?

BACHELOR.

With better health I ne'er enjoy'd my life,
But still I'm not content without a wife.

OLD MAIDEN.

A wife, you fool, you're surely growing mad,
Then all your future days you wilt be sad ;
Some headlong rush into the married state,
And then repent it when it is too late.

BACHELOR.

Is it from experience makes you say so,
Or did you ever find that state a state of woe ?
You're like the Fox in fable, as we're told,
Because o' the grapes he could not get a hold;
The utmost contempt on them he did pour,
Then went his way and swore that they were Sour.
Are you at married folk now turn'd a scoffer,
Because a husband ne'er was in your offer ?

OLD MAIDEN.

What offers I have had ye dinna ken,
How do you know but I have gotten ten.

BACHELOR.

Ten, Madam, if e'er you courted were by five,
A wife you would have been as I'm alive;
For that old proverb still will hold quite true,
With all the female race, and likewise you?
There never was a Maiden yet in life,
But if she could would be a married wife ;
For this desire is planted in your nature.
For wise designs by Heaven's great Creator.
Why should you then act such a double part,
Despising what you love with all your heart?

OLD MAIDEN.
I am, Sir, of a very different mind,
For all you say I'm not at all inclin'd
Yet to be bound up to any man alive,
For seldom married folk do ever thrive.
When I of married people take a view,
I find what I assert doth happen true ;
Such cares and woes attend the married life,
Which makes me resolved ne'er to be a wife.

BACHELOR.

In every state of life there is some care
And sorrow, too, of this I'm well aware ;
But still I think it is the happiest life,
For you to hsve s msn, snd me a wife.
A question, Madam, here I put to you,
When you of married people took a view,
In all the various couples that are there,
Have you not seen many a happy pair ?

OLD MAIDEN.

For one that's happy I have seen a score,
Quite the reverse, yea, I might say there's more-
The waes of matrimony still doth dree,
So from it I'm determind to keep free'
It's down-right lottery before my eyes,
Where there's twenty blanks for every prize.

BACHELOR.

What sort of prize, dear Madam, will you gain,
If an Old Maiden yon do still remain ?
All your acquaintance will you much despise,
A perfect nuisance you'll be in their eyes;
Kick'd out of all society while here below,
Up to the garret-room you then must go;
Just like a banish'd miscreant to dwell,
Or like a thief lock'd fast up in a cell;
You and your Cat the family will compose,
Until your dreary life comes to a close;
And when you of assistance stand in need,
Some stranger must be hired for her bread ;
With coldrife heart her duty she will do,
And may be in her heart will curse you too.
Nay, she perhaps will curse you to your face,
And say you're to your sex a great disgrace ;
And when at last you come unto your end,
No loving husband on you will attend.
Around your bed will be no children dear,
With deep regret to shed the feeling tear;
Some distant friend will then attend your grave,
Just for the sake of getting what you have ;
And say within himself, you're well away,
That he of what you've left may make a prey.

OLD MAIDEN.

A dismal picture you have drawn indeed,
As ever did from Painters' hand proceed,
For no bright shades is in it to be seen ;_
But pray, dear Sir,what is it that you mean ?
Do you imagine to persuade me so ?
Your reason, Sir, I well would like to know.

BACHELOR.

My meaning. Madam, I shall plainly tell,
I wish to make an offer of mysel';
If you will give consent to be my wife,
I think we two would live a happy life.

OLD MAIDEN,

Oh, hey ! dear Sir, what shall I to you say ?------

BACHELOR.

Say, Madam ! just appoint the day,
" They set the day an' a' that,
They set the day an' a' that,
When she'd gang hame
To be his dame,
An' hae rant an' a' that,"
" It's true sic Maidens will come too at last,
Altho' they maun a-while their snaw-baws cast."

Published by W. SMITH, No. 3, Bristo Port.

previous