Broadside regarding a new Act of Parliament

Transcription

NEW INTENDED

    Act of Parliament,

To be passed into a Law, on the first meeting of the Reformed
        Members in the House of Commons.

Good people all, I pray attend
To these few lines that I have penned,
We thought that times would surely mend,
        After the Reform Election.
But cheating it is now a trade,
By it some carry a losty head,
And the poor honest man can't earn his bread-
        'Tis time for a Reformation.

At a meeting of the lovers of fair play and justice, held in this town, the fol-
lowing resolutions were adopted:?

1st, That this meeting has observed, with indignation, the manner that many
of our fellow men are treated by their hard-hearted wives, viz. in being starved,
abused, flogged, cuckolded, &c. ; degrading men lower than the brute reation.
We, therefore, enjoin and command all henpecked husbands to unite against
their general enemy, by forming henpecked societies, who shall, at all times, be
ready to assist each other. Those societies to remain as long as occasion shall
require, unless the women submit, or hazard their ancient power, by coming to
a general engagement with their husbands.

2d. That all bakers mixing bean-meal, bone-dust, potatoes, or any other spuri-
eous composition, among their bread, or detected giving light weight, they shall
be put into the oven immediately after the batch is drawn.

3d, That all grocers, selling sloe leaves among their tea, ground beans in their
coffee, or sand in their sugar, shall suffer the pain of pillory in a treacle cask for
one hour, and then set down beside a hive of bees, that they may have the bene-
fit of the treacle.

4th, That all butchers who stick lumps of fat meat beneath their scales to cast
the weight, shall be fed on bullocks' blood and saw-dust one callander month.

5th, That all publicans, selling swipes for strong ale, mixing vitriol in their
whisky, or making two chalk marks for one, to the annoyance of their customers
health and purses, they shall be made to go to church for three Sundays, and
stand upon one leg, in a white sheet, for all the boys to spit and hoot at.

6th, That any shoemaker, making a pair of shoes with rotten leather, shall be
fed on horses manes, and his nose to be stuck to the lapstone with wax for the
space of five hours every day during the period of their natural lives

7th, All other trades that cheat the public, such as blacksmiths, white smiths,
mill-wrights, nailers, tailors, sailors, sawers, lawyers,joiners, coiners, barbers,
barbers clerks, masons, bricklayers, clerks, painters, spirit-drinkers and quack
doctors, &c., shall suffer the pains and penalties according to the nature of their
several offences:?

Wee'll rub all Tyrants with a rod,
And send all rogues and cheats to quad,
For the hangman then will get a job,
        After the Reformation.
Since roguery is all the jest,
I'rn sure the doctor is the best,
For if you die, of friends berest,
        He claims you for dissection.

8th, Be it further enacted, that no young woman shall wear more than thirty-
six curls in her hair, or more than twelve flounces in the tail of her gown, or a
leghorn bonnet more than two yards wide, under the pain of being confined in
a garret for six weeks to nurse cats, that she may be well practised in the art of
nursing, before marriage.

9th, That any married woman, who goes about gossiping, instead of minding
her husband's business, he shall be authorised to chain her to the bed-post?
feed her on water-gruel - likewise to deprive her of the comforts of matrimony
for the long space of eight nights.

10th, That any man who drinks more than one quart of rum, or whisky at a
time, or eight quarts of ale, his wife shall be authorised to chain him to the
handle of the frying-pan till sober.

If a man gets drunk and beats his wife,
By that means he'll raise up strife,
He's sure to lead the Devil's life
        By the rules of Reformation.
They say that women should not wear
Dandy caps and curly hair,
As that they do now every where,
        After the Reformation.

llth, Be it further enacted, that any old man, marrying a young virgin, and
not be able to accomplish all the necessary duties of the married state, his wife
shall be duly authorized to employ a journeyman ; and on his disapproval of
the same, he shall be dipped in a tub of cold water every day, till his wife fall
in the family way.

But now I am nearly done,
I hope I have offended none;
But live in hopes the times may mend,
        After the Reformation.

EDINBURGH :?Printed by Menzies, Lawnmarket.

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