J O H N O F LA N D WART'S DREAM
Or his Sentments of the vain Apparel of the Female Sex, which he told his Wife.
(And he might as well have told all the Town Hens,)
To its own proper Tune.
To Edinburgh Town where he did come once,
At first blink he espyed some ones,
Who high upon their Snout did wear things,
And at their Luges he saw Gould Ear rings ?
At which the man was so amazed,
He in their Faces stair'd and gazed?
All what they wore right well he notes,
How they had Frienges at their Coats,
All which he to his Wife rehearses
And then he writes these following Verses,
AS I came up the gate the streen,
Of Gamphral Gackies I saw a whien,
And you may guess for what they green
Although I do not Speak it.
I warrand ye may keen my meaning,
And what's the thing would stanch their greening
Together they their Heads were leaning,,
and up together briked.
Full loud they clink'd their Iron ClapPers,
Their bra Tails babbed, all with tatters,
And ilk ane to another Patters,
wha Megg where has thou been ?
Ilk ane was to another rittling,,
They leugh as ye had been them kitling ,
It may be some of them bear a Little-ane,
I seen as light a green
Some in their Luges I think had Rings,
They flightard all as they had Wings,
Their Ribans Scarfs and other things,
about them fast did flitter;
About their Tails were many Frienges,
And O, now! what a Becks and Beinges,
And ay their Tails the Casie cleanges,
when they trail throw a gutter
What means sike Tapees with syde Tails ?
That through the dubbs and Gutters trails,
And or' the Myres and Middings sails,
to gang with Shoulder bare?
Yea some do gang with musled Faces,
And on their Heads the lave wears Laces,
With bonnie Wallies on other places,
what pox wad ye have mair ?
The Fiends in their high coble-horn:
I guess for what they so adorn,
Its seen that they may get their corn,
fra some Tight sturdie, Fellew:
Whole trime their Bargains till a mite,
in him they will take great delyte,
Altho his Skin be not so white.
but something collour'd yelow,
I vow these Giglats are gane glaked,
That gangs so with their Shoulders naked,
Fy ! put them in a Hurlie backet?
and huie them down to Leith :
Pake ye their Hurdice with a Ruug,
Upon their Rigging gar it bung,
Gar ye them fast till they grow clung ,
they'll not need pike their Teith..
More speech of Ladies I'll forbear,
For I'lle get little thanks I fear,
When this my Ryme comes to this ear,
for what I've said already :
Therefore to Servant laffes, I
My decent speech will now apply,
Their whole Deportment I' le survey, !
therefore adieu my Lady.
Our Servant Lasses in borrustowns.
Pox bate the half of them is Luns,
Tho on their Arss they get bra Gowns,
and Perling on their Heads:
We cannot ken them by the Ladie,
Tho' both their Minie and their Dadie,
For want of Food to starve be ready,
they may not want their Beads.
And Perling as brod's both their Looves,
Their Rings ,their Glakrics,and their Gloves,
And dantie Pantons on their Hoves,
with all their other gear:
Your Tapster Lasses are so vain,
Our Countrey Lads they do disdain,
She'll swear and vow will she him brain,
if he but come her near.
Shame fa that Pride that comes of nought,
I'm sure that Gentries is dear bought,
They have nothing but what they sought
and begg'd from Door to Door
Sham fa sike stinking saucie pride,
The De'll himself cannot abide,
And is not she a bonnie Bride,
a Bagger and a Whoore!
Yes, when some of their Parents comes,
(With leave they all turned their Bums,
And look on him like Stinking Rums,
if he some Bodles begg.
From Gentle-men, where they do gather,
She'll say Go hence Tyke in a Tadder,
She'll not let wit that he's her Father,
tho she's his Daughter Megg.
And Lanwart Maggie the Byer that moucks,
Ye will not trow how well she looks,
When she comes out amongst the Foks,
with all her Goggels on,
With Perling bra, call'd Mazarine,
All hinging down about her eyne,
She thinks the Lads will come full soon,
and follow her anone.
Her Plaiding Coat as rude's a Rose?
On her white Legs her dainty Hose,
In her black Shoon full neat she goes,
When she comes to the Casie
A dainty waste Coat on her back,
Her Lining Apron as Whit as chalk,
Then with her Nighbours she will talk,
that are both gay and gasie.
A syn Stuff Tail then she will have,
And Lining Cuffs and all the lave,
A Collerbodie and that right brave,
a Glove but and a Glove:
Then ye may see beneath her Chin
On her white Baan, a Breatch of Tin;
The posie of't is like you'le find,
Thou's A my ain my Love.
Hold, hold, good Friend, I pray you bide,
For I forgot she had a Plaid,
Her Bonniewallies all to hide,
and keep her from the rain..
When this our Lasses are well drest,
Come to the Fair with all their best,
Byde still a wee and see the rest,
all coming in a train.
Then Jock and Tam, and monie mae,
To Megg and Jenny they will gae,
Into a Ale-house they'll them hae,
and that withouten let
Or els their Plaids shall pay for a,
So wickedlie they'll drug and dra,
Till they at length will come awa,
and to the Ale-house get.
When down about the Board they'r set,
A pynt of good Ale they will get,
Where with their Throats must all be wat:
that they may speak the better
Then they a talking fall belyve,
At once ye'll ay hear four or five,
but in this case I'll no more dyve,
but Ale do gang like Water.
but bide a wee before they gang,
The flags and Kisses them among's
Might be the subject of a Sang,
if I had time to dyte it:
More of this matter I'll forbear,
And let them drink their Ale and beer,
For ye your selves see, that I here,
have no more room to write it.
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Probable date of publication:
1703 shelfmark: Ry.III.a.10(015)
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