Scotland/Scots > Wilson's tales of the Borders and of Scotland > Volume 3

74
TALES OF THE BORDERS.
rejoiced in his brightness. Alas! it was but for a moment;
my guilty love, my treachery, my loss, all flashed upon my
mind at once, and I started to my feet, and hurried madly
onwards, as if I hoped, by the rapidity of my movements,
to escape from my own thoughts. Hunger at last com¬
pelled me to enter a small public-house, where I fell in
with a poor sailor, who was on his way to Liverpool in
search of a ship. The sight of this man turned my thoughts
into another channel. ‘Double-dyed traitor that I am,’
muttered I, ‘ England is no longer a home for me. She
for whose love I broke a father’s heart and betrayed a bro¬
ther’s confidence, has been torn from me; and Avhat more
have I to live for here ? ’ My mind was made up.
“ ‘My lad,’ said I to the sailor, ‘ if you have no objection,
we will travel together; I am bound to Liverpool myself.’
“‘With all my heart,’ said he; ‘I like to sail in com¬
pany.’
“I engaged to work my passage out before the mast, in
a ship bound to Jamaica, intending to turn my education
to some account there if possible, or, at all events, to re¬
main there as long as my money lasted. When I saw the
shores of my native land sink in the distance, I felt that I
was a forlorn and miserable outcast—that the last link was
severed that bound me to existence. A dark change came
over me; a spirit of desperation and reckless indiffereEce;
a longing wish to end my miseries at once. I strove against
the evil spirit; and for a while succeeded. On our arrival
at Kingston, I endeavoured in vain to obtain employment;
my stock of money was fast decreasing; and when that was
gone, where was I to turn for more ? Poverty and wretch¬
edness threatened me from without; remorse was busy
within. ‘ Why should I bear this weary load of life ?’ said
I, as I madly paced the shore, ‘when one bold plunge
would bury it for ever ? ’
“ I threw myself headlong into the water; and, though