Broadside entitled 'The Science of Kissing'

Transcription

The Science of Kissing.

People will kiss, yet not one in a hundred knows how to extract
bliss from lovely lips, any more than he knows how to make diamonds
from charcoal. And yet it is easy, at least for us. First know whom
you are going to kiss. Don't make a mistake, although a mistake may
be good. Don't jump like a trout for a fly, and smack a good woman
on the neck, on the ear, on the corner of the forehead, or on the end
of the nose, or knock off her lace veil. The gentleman should be a
little the taller. He should have a clean face, a kind eye, and a mouth
full of expression. Don't kiss everybody. Don't sit down to it;
stand up. Need not be anxious about getting in a crowd. Two persons
are plenty to corner, and catch a kiss; more persons would spoil the
sport. Take the left hand of the lady in your right; let your hat go
to?any place out of the way; place the left hand gentle over the
shoulder of the lady, and let it fall down the right side, towards the
belt. Don't be in a hurry; draw her gently, lovingly, to your heart.
Her head will fail lightly upon your shoulder, and a handsome shoulder-
strap it makes. Don't be in a hurry; send a little life down your left
arm. Her left hand is in your right; let there be an impression to
that, not like the grip of a vice, but a gentle clasp, full of electricity,
thought and respect. Don't be in a hurry. Her head lies carelessly on
your shoulder. You are nearly heart to heart. Look down into her
half-closed eyes. Gently, yet manfully press her to your bosom. Stand
firm. Be brave, but don't be in a hurry. Her lips are almost open.
Lean slightly forward with your head, not the body. Take good aim;
the lips meet; the eyes close; the heart opens; the soul rides the
storms, troubles, and sorrows of life (don't be in a hurry); heaven
opens before you; the world shoots under your feet, as a meteor flashes
across the evening sky (don't be afraid); the nerves dance before the
just erected altar of love as zephyrs dance with the dew-trimmed
flowers; the heart forgets its bitterness, and the art of kissing is learned.
No fuss, no noise, no fluttering. Kissing don't hurt; it don't require
a brass band to make it legal.

L. Macartney, The Poet's Box, 184 Overgate,   Dundee.

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